Once again I can feel me fade from someones mind.

From time to time I always get less interesting.
People always get tired of me.
The conversations get shorter and then suddenly we don't talk at all.
I guess that was it.
Soon we'll be totally seperated from each other and I will not even be worth one single memory.
Everytime when someone gets important to me this happens.
I know I should be used to it but I'm not.
It still hurts.
But the worst is that there's only myself to blame.
It must be my fault.
It only makes sense when it's my fault.
People always leave including the ones I like the most, they find a replacement,

which is very easy to find because I'm not good enough and I'll never be. 

I think the biggest problem in life is that fairytales are never coming true but nightmares always seem to become reality.

Maybe I  look happy, but truely I'm not. 

I'm torn apart and done. 

I guess I can't be fixed when I'm always thrown down again when everything seems to get better

                                                             "I'll never hurt you"

Oh, what a pretty litte lie.
I've heard those words so many times and they're always the promise that it will all end up worse.

At least I'm so fucked up and completely paranoid. I don't even know how to trust anymore.
It hurts so bad to see that I'm always replaceable.
But I understand that, I know that quite everyone has a better character, a better look, a prettier face, a nicer humor, a prettier smile and a nicer voice than I have.
And the funniest thing about it is the fact that I can totally feel like shit but no one will ever notice or care because I'm still able to act like I'm fine and nobody cares if there's pain behind this smile.

New year and a new beginning.
I'm gonna try to start all over again.
I will try to make everything better and I refuse still living like I'm not alive.
I'm really hard trying to lay down all my doubts and fears.
I need to change my live completely because I can't go on living like this any longer.
I'm going to start a new beginning once again and I really hope it will work this time, it has to,
because I guess it can't get any worse than the last year full of hate and failure.